It does not matter how much I pray… I still am attached to an anchor. I can get lost in a worship song- finding myself almost dancing, but the anchor tugs on my tired body, bringing me back to my pain. I can laugh on the phone and feel uplifted by a friend, but the anchor is still attached to me. I can drift off into restful sleep, but I awake in pain from the tugging of the anchor.
Through this pain, I have realized that I am not alone. God has placed friends in my life who have been battling with pain for years! I not only battle with the pain, but I also am terrified of sharing my pain in fear of rejection.
Ever feel this way?
You desperately want the pain to go away, but perhaps the fear of rejection could be an even worse pain for you.
God placed it in my heart to share my pain and struggles with you because this blog was designed with the intention of fellowship. I want to hear about your pain and I promise not to reject you. I want to instill the “hope” God has given me to you. Your pain and my pain may not get better soon, but each day we can thank God for slowly, but surely releasing us from our anchor of pain.
Let’s start now… how can I pray for you?
Not a day has gone by when I don’t look at it and cry. I keep asking God why, but have yet to receive an answer. I don’t feel better covering my scar because it is tender and sore. Those 4 inches have now changed my life, limiting me in more ways than I can write. What happened?
Today, as I sit here silently, God did not answer my question. Instead, He told me that I am not the only one with a tender scar and each of us do our best to hide our scars, hoping that no one will notice as we silently endure our pain. Our scars may be physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, or sexual. Some of us have a scar from something that hurt us physically, leaving a visual reminder of that moment. Others of us can’t get past the fact that we didn’t get into our dream college or scored the ideal job. Resentment and anger scar their thinking. Some may be scarred from the emotional torment of losing their loved ones and not having more time with them. Regret and sadness are their scars. Perhaps, some are upset with God for allowing terrible things to repeatedly happen; the cross is no longer a symbol of love, but one of abandonment. Confusion and hurt are their scars. What about the children who fear the dark because that is the time their dads or uncles rob them of their innocence? Fear, guilt, and pain are their scars.
We all have scars, and more importantly, carry the weapons to scar anyone who comes close to us.
Every day, we are given a choice to scar or heal. When we use God’s love as a remedy to help others, we too take part in the healing process.
1) Which will you choose: to scar someone or to help him/her heal?
2) What types of scars do you bear?
3) How do you hide your scars?
4) Do you try to hide your scars from God?
I have some good news and bad news on this end. I had to go to the emergency room last Sunday at about 4:00 in the morning because I was in so much pain. Fortunately the doctor figured out that I was in trouble and that it wasn’t just “gastritis” like the other doctors were thinking and he ordered a CAT scan… they found a tumor in my colon (small intestine) and my intestine had closed off and was dying. It would have blown up in a matter of hours if they had not gone in and done an emergency surgery. Bottom line is that they took about 4 inches of my small intestine (which piece included the darn tumor) and they took my appendix and they stitched me up. Big scar on my stomach… but I’ll get over it. I was in the hospital until Friday night and now I’m at Mom and Dad’s house…sleeping in Mom’s room, trying to recover. Good news is that the pathology report came back and the tumor was non-cancerous!
Thank You Lord!