I know this sounds silly, but as I watched the USS Gen. Hoyt S. Vandenberg take her last breath before sinking, I begin to weep because I saw a visual reminder of what happened to me a little over a year ago.
She transitioned from a powerful battleship which played a pivotal role in WWII, post-war immigration, the Hungarian Revolution, and the Cold War to a useless, rusted, chemical-infested ship naked of all pride and glory.
The USS Gen. Hoyt S. Vandenberg tried to resist the seven-mile tow trip out to sea where the life she knew would end. She was not in any type of shape to fight. No longer did she command the seas. When she reached the destination her heart raced, but not like in the days of war when she drew closer to a battle scene. No, this time her heart wanted so desperately to escape her impending death.
For the first time, the USS Gen. Hoyt S. Vandenberg showed fear, questioning why she was abandoned, why at that moment she was considered waste. Her heart was raw. There was no joy, or peace in her heart. Fear dominated all that she had left inside her. Ships that once sailed next to her were now watching her squirm in the pain. The sea was no longer a safe place for her and her power was gone; she had no fight left in her.
The count down sounded. What seemed like an eternity to her, realistically lasted for no more than five seconds. In five seconds her future would forever be changed. 5,4,3,2,1. She silently prayed, “Lord use me for your glory. Help me feel You now. She shut her eyes…
The USS Gen. Hoyt S. Vandenberg began to sink. What was once a masterpiece was now a worn out canvas tossed in the trash. She managed to stay afloat for several minutes, but the holes in her sides were irreparable. The last blow took her down.
What was happening to her and where was God in the midst of her sinking?
As I wipe away the tears, I too am reminded of when my metaphorical battleship sank. I kept questioning God as to why and asking Him if I would be okay…if I would survive. At the time, it was difficult to hear God because my pain and anger took on a voice that muffled God‘s love and comfort.
I want to take a moment and be here with you. Some of you are in the midst of watching your once gallant battleship prepare to sink, while others of you are sinking. Oh, how my heart goes out to you. I wish I could give you a hug and tell you every thing is going to be okay. I wish I could change the medical charts before you had a chance to see them. I wish I could put that ring back on your finger and gently remind you of your promise to your loved one. I wish that I can take and burn all of those airbrushed magazines you search through to compare your precious image to some models who do not even know who they are. I wish I could be there for you through whatever loss, pain, sadness, or anger you are going through.
Please let me know how I can pray for you. If it is too personal than email me at
I bless you to hear the truth in this scripture.
Jeremiah 1:19 “They will fight against you but will NOT overcome you, for I am with you and I WILL RESCUE you,” declares the Lord.
God has not forgotten about you and your value has not diminished in His eyes. Let Him rescue you.
We all have battleships that will have to sink at one point or another in our lives. Please share about your battleship and what God is doing in your life. Your story means so much to us.