I know this sounds silly, but as I watched the USS Gen. Hoyt S. Vandenberg take her last breath before sinking, I begin to weep because I saw a visual reminder of what happened to me a little over a year ago.

She transitioned from a powerful battleship which played a pivotal role in WWII, post-war immigration, the Hungarian Revolution, and the Cold War to a useless, rusted, chemical-infested ship naked of all pride and glory.

The USS Gen. Hoyt S. Vandenberg tried to resist the seven-mile tow trip out to sea where the life she knew would end.  She was not in any type of shape to fight.  No longer did she command the seas.  When she reached the destination her heart raced, but not like in the days of war when she drew closer to a battle scene. No, this time her heart wanted so desperately to escape her impending death.

For the first time, the USS Gen. Hoyt S. Vandenberg showed fear, questioning why she was abandoned, why at that moment she was considered waste.  Her heart was raw.  There was no joy, or peace in her heart.  Fear dominated all that she had left inside her. Ships that once sailed next to her were now watching her squirm in the pain.  The sea was no longer a safe place for her and her power was gone; she had no fight left in her.

The count down sounded. What seemed like an eternity to her, realistically lasted for no more than five seconds. In five seconds her future would forever be changed. 5,4,3,2,1.  She silently prayed, “Lord use me for your glory. Help me feel You now. She shut her eyes…

The USS Gen. Hoyt S. Vandenberg began to sink. What was once a masterpiece was now a worn out canvas tossed in the trash.  She managed to stay afloat for several minutes, but the holes in her sides were irreparable. The last blow took her down.

What was happening to her and where was God in the midst of her sinking?

As I wipe away the tears, I too am reminded of when my metaphorical battleship sank. I kept questioning God as to why and asking Him if I would be okay…if I would survive. At the time, it was difficult to hear God because my pain and anger took on a voice that muffled God‘s love and comfort.

I want to take a moment and be here with you. Some of you are in the midst of watching your once gallant battleship prepare to sink, while others of you are sinking.  Oh, how my heart goes out to you.  I wish I could give you a hug and tell you every thing is going to be okay.  I wish I could change the medical charts before you had a chance to see them.  I wish I could put that ring back on your finger and gently remind you of your promise to your loved one.  I wish that I can take and burn all of those airbrushed magazines you search through to compare your precious image to some models who do not even know who they are.  I wish I could be there for you through whatever loss, pain, sadness, or anger you are going through.

Please let me know how I can pray for you.  If  it is too personal than email me at

I bless you to hear the truth in this scripture.

Jeremiah 1:19 “They will fight against you but will NOT overcome you, for I am  with you and I WILL RESCUE you,” declares the Lord.

God has not forgotten about you and your value has not diminished in His eyes. Let Him rescue you.

We all have battleships that will have to sink at one point or another in our lives.  Please share about your battleship and what God is doing in your life.  Your story means so much to us.

6 thoughts on “Sinking

  1. Oh Jess,
    In talking to you on the phone, I can hear your joy coming back in the midst of all that is going on around you. Thank you for your honesty and sharing about your struggles. You are right about a very special angel watching over you. You know what? She is VERY proud of you and so am I!
    I love you.

  2. Julie,
    I love the image of God dragging you out of the water so you could breathe again. How did you let go and allow for God to rescue you?

  3. Wow where do I start 2011 feels like a huge battle! Starting with my sister losing her battle with cancer. A ship basically sunk for me. I miss her dearly, often ask God why SO young?! Why at this point in my life did he feel it was time for her to leave my life & her family’s life & her friends life? Although she did suffered enough, her sorrow & pain are no longer. And she’s a beautiful angel for all of us. Then everything medically hitting me at once. I know will figuring everything out now, we can fight this battle head on, but when is too much too for one person?! I’m only 27, on so much medicine, sure they help me, but how depressing. What’s keeping me level headed is I know, I’m going to get healthier. But I still ask God why? And why he choose me to go through these challenges. I know I’m not alone. I got the best mom in the world! She’s right there with me for all my appts. Helps me when I have days the medicine causes me to be sick. I have a loving father who keeps a roof over my head, clothes on my back. I have wonderful friends. to cheer me up, and cheer on. I know God is on my side, but I’ll be honest sometimes it doesn’t feel that way. I assume he’s having me go through these challenges for a reason, What are they, I have yet to see a reason, but someday I’m sure I will see it. As Bill has said… Only time will tell.

  4. I love the comparison of the sinking battleship to times in our lives. I’ve so had my battleship almost sunk to the bottom of the sea through the death of both parents, the recent sickness of my brother ( who has been healed praise God) and a very rough patch in my marriage. But God drug me up and out of that water so I could breath again. It took time but I can only give Him the glory for my survival today. He is my all in all. And He loves me in those times when I fail and fall and He just keeps on helping me back up. Thank you for the love today.

  5. Bill,
    Just curious, what prompted you to watch the Titanic? I cannot help but wonder if it was God’s way of priming you for the work He is about to do in your life? Is you spirit anxious or at peace with the plans God has for your life?

    I will definitely continue to pray for him.

  6. Love the analogy here Michelle. This past weekend I finished watching Titanic again. I had started it earlier and then watched it as I had small snippets of time. It is so much more than just a love story. I feel sometimes like I am the Titanic, allowing little scrapes along my sides to open up gaping wounds and if it wasn’t for the grace of God would find me sinking. You know my request and will ask that you continue praying for him. As for your last statement: I have a 5 minute drive to the office. As I pulled out of my driveway, and as I listened to a Fee song, it hit me that I think God is about to do a work in my life, BUT I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT IT IS. I can sense it is my spirit, but wonder what is coming. Reckon only time will tell.

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