“I’ll be Back at 12:30 am”

It’s 11:45 pm and I cannot sleep. My blood pressure is too low and the nurse insists on coming back in 45 minutes. My left hand is throbbing because I think the IV is old, but I don’t want to say anything because I do not want them to replace it. Apparently, I have rolling veins which makes the old expression, “the third time is a charm.” true. It always takes several attempts to put an IV in me.

My stomach groans remind me that it is Tuesday night and I have not eaten anything since Sunday! I am so hungry. What I would really like is some chocolate ice cream! That’s not too much to ask for.

I feel so sleepy, but I do not want to be woken up in shock by the nurse. My pillow is soft and the medicine which I was told is 4x stronger than morphine is really kicking in…

Now, it is 12 am… 30 minutes to go. It is dark and cold in this room. I keep thinking someone else is in here with me. I wish my family was here. Tears roll down my cheeks because I have never felt so alone. I try to pray, but I am interrupted by a burst of pain. I was given a pain monitor in which I could push a button to receive immediate relief.

Don’t we all wish we could have one of those?

Oh, now it’s 12:15 am, only 15 minutes left. Perhaps, I can just rest my eyes… I drift into a medically peace induced sleep.

It’s 12:30 am, a LOUD knock shocks me, bringing me back to the cold reality of being in a hospital room. The nurse takes my blood pressure and in a disappointed tone says, “It’s still too low. I’ll be back in another 45 minutes.”

1. What pain have you endured that brought you closer to God?

2. How did God walk you through the pain?

3. What did you learn from your pain?

Please note that this was written when I was in the hospital and now I am at home.

5 thoughts on ““I’ll be Back at 12:30 am”

  1. I remember when I was in the hospital for a back injury. I had just bought my mom a glass table for mother’s day about 2/3 years ago. I brought it in set it up, and my daughter came in the room to greet me. I was sitting on the table and she jumped in my lap. Bad idea; I knew I was going down so I shoved her to prevent her from going through it.

    I ended up with a 5 inch shard of glass in my spine. While I was in the E.R. they put me on so many medications, my body actually stopped working. My heart, lungs, and brain had no readings. I am supposed to be in a wheel chair. Thanks to my Dad, I walk everyday with no problem. I prayed and He did the wonderful thing of making me painfree (because I was afraid to take more medication).

    Since then I try to keep in mind that no matter what I need, He will ALWAYS be there for me. I’ve also realized that sometimes He gives us pain to complete His works.

  2. Dear Haley,
    I cannot wait to read your blog and see how God works through you! Stastny was not pleased about the bucket list. She said that she will not consider such things until she is at least 15 years old. So, in 13 years, we will get back to you.

    I agree with you about the pain being greater outside of the hospital. I stayed with my parents after the surgery because Garrett did not want me to be alone during the day. I remember my first night… a stabbing pain pierced through my stomach. I was in so much pain that I started calling out, “Owie, mom…owie..!” She rushed in and comforted me. This precious image of comfort is a good reminder of how if we call out to God, He too, will rush in to comfort us.

  3. I am not against medication. We probably both know that some people may turn to it when sometimes they need to turn to God. Pain is frequently greater outside of the hospital than in it from my experience. Your kickboxing example reminds me of how some professionals talk the talk, but you are the walk and finding your own ways.

    I had some thoughts on sleep from another part of your blog then decided I am truly the last person to discuss that topic as I am a person keeping some of the oddest hours that I know trying to hold a job with regular hours. I had been awake for two days when I wrote my last reply and was safe, not driving, and in touch with doctors. I had thoughts about Stastny, only I can feel weak simply walking by a pet store at moments. Our connections to our pets are so personal. have you heard of dog bucket lists? Just a thought.

    Learning to live with pain of many types, this I know, even if less often discussed by me. The answers are within you. I would write a post on it if I could. Or, maybe be in the “As Seen on TV” store with my new book of some unknown but catchy title on pain management. I may bring a little comfort here and there, but God has the answers, and you already know that and quote his words and others well and at the right times. Be faithful, care for yourself and others, and more is always revealed.

    And maybe one day I will write my own story on your blog like yours and Garrett’s about my night before my wedding, you know, in God’s time, to someone I do not yet know and am not yet ready. So beautiful, at any age.


  4. Dear Haley,
    I loved what you said about how over time, our pain will bring us closer to God and I agree with you about not taking harmful medication. I am not in the hospital- thank You Lord, but I am in pain. Yesterday, my doctor told me that it will be a t least another 6 months of stabbing pain – off and on. She said I should do my best to not limit myself and live a normal life. I thought to myself, how could I kick box when I feel like I have a knife in my side?
    I really appreciate you telling me that I am stronger than my pain and for once again inspiring me with your walk of faith! One of my favorite Bible verses is Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through he who strengthens me.” Amen to that! Thank you so much for your love and support!!!

  5. 1. All pain brings me closer to God when I am mindful. and sometimes not in the moment but over time. I have peripheral artery disease and low blood pressure as well. Sometimes it slows me down or just takes me in the direction I need to be.
    2. God is always there for me. God listens.
    3. God reminds me that He is greater than my pain.

    If I take some prescriptions it will damage my long term health of some organs and so I try to live with some pain for a while. You are one of the most faithful people I know, very aware, and still very human. Know that you are in our thoughts and prayers. I am out of town right now. God gave me an opportunity to participate in a community service learning conference. I could not drive, could not meet people for mornings walks and so on, and still I am here. You, too, are stronger than your pain. I am so sorry to hear your are back in the hospital. Find your peceful place and try to go there in your mind. You are so together. Remember you are loved. No one likes IVs. sometimes I think not only of Bible quotes but also other words of wisdom.

    “You are a true jewel, a true find, a joy in someone’s heart. I don’t care how you feel. God don’t make no junk.”

    I cannot be online for two more days, I think, but I will check back. I need to know you are feeling less alone, OK? I am borrowing a comptuer at the moment and do not have a modern cell phone. Know you are loved, because you really, really are. : )

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