I remember getting so excited about Christmas when I was younger. My grandma, Baba, and I would put up the outside Christmas lights. Sometimes we would be up all night trying to figure out which light went out, but when all the lights were lit up, it was magic to me! I also remember racing home from school to see which special Czech cookies my grandma was baking. I had a very important job of sampling the cookies.
It’s been 10 years and I can still smell the sweet Czech cookies and feel Baba come alive when we put the Christmas lights up. I miss her so much! Last year, I lost a very close friend to a sudden heart attack. Christmas is supposed to be a joyous time. As I sip my hot cocoa, the tears roll down my cheeks and memories flood my mind. I cannot help but feel the pain of those around me as well–pain for losing a loved one or for being rejected instead of comforted.
Hot cocoa usually is a symbol of the warm happy moments in life. My desire is not to depress you but rather encourage you to take a hot cocoa moment. Take time to let yourself just be you, free of expectations, free of responsibility, free. Cry if it helps you. Get lost in those joyous memories that no one can take away from you. So often we are wedded to an identity that is not from God. We want to be more and have more.
God just wants us to join Him for a hot cocoa moment.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”
I just came across a post from Cycleguy’s Spin that really hit home for me. The topic is envy and what it does to us.
I struggle with envy because I do not understand how God can love me as much as the person who does more than me…continued on Curve Balls
I am not ready to celebrate Joshua’s first birthday and welcome in his next chapter of being a toddler. I am not ready to stop our special nightly encounters in which I can soothe Joshua back to sleep. I am not ready to put him down and let him explore. I want to hold him for just a bit longer…continued on Curve Balls
A very close friend of mine has a son, Ethan who has Cystic Fibrosis and maybe developed a lung infection. Currently, he is battling a fever, nonstop coughing, and vomiting. Please join us in prayer so that Ethan does not have to go to the hospital, especially since he was there 3 months ago. Thank you sooooo much for your prayers. They do make a difference!
I want to take time to talk about a subject that no one likes to address, grieving. We have all been there, whether it be it over a loved one, a failed marriage, losing a job, etc. (the list can go on and on).
This Christmas was different for me. While we had a wonderfully blessed 1st Christmas with our son, I could not help but feel a tug of sadness and longing in my heart for those who have lost loved ones. A week after hearing about the horrific shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School, I was woken up by a phone call that no one wants to receive. My very close friend’s mother told me that my friend passed away that night. I can still hear myself screaming “No!” She explained that my good friend Jess had died of a massive heart attack and the tender age of 28. I was left sobbing on my husband.
It feels like I was just listening to Jess explain how she wanted to help keep the policemen warm this winter by fattening them up with seven tubs worth of cookie dough! She was always thinking of others. I tried to remember the good times with her, but it was so difficult to when I had to write a eulogy for her.
My husband did and continues to do an amazing job of consoling me and praying with me. But it was difficult to comprehend how other people dealt with my sadness. I heard comments like, “People die. It is a part of life,” “Don’t get depressed or you will ruin your milk supply,” and “You need to snap out of it. It will be okay.”
Grieving is a process that takes time. I still miss my grandma, Baba, and it has been over eight years since she passed way. I agree with the expression “time heals” because in time, God helps to restore our hearts and gives us the strength to press forward.
“Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.” James 1:2-3
It’s been awhile since we last talked. You know that feeling you get when you have so much to write, but are told that you have to condense everything with a 500-word limit? That’s how I feel. I am not even sure where to begin.
On the morning of December 23, 2011, Garrett and I found out that we would be parents! Little did we know that our little munchkin would come 7 weeks early, completely turning our lives upside down. Our journey inspired me to write an additional blog called Curve Balls. I would love to fellowship with you on that blog as well.
I missed you guys and I am glad to be back.
Talk to you soon,
What fears perpetuate any of your negative behaviors in your relationship?