Day 10-Expectation List

God had my husband and me write all the things we were lacking in our marriage, then we took those things and made an expectation list. God asked me a couple of very important questions, “Is your husband the man you see him to be? How do you see him?” This was a very powerful exercise as through God I was able to break the lies of the enemy and declare our relationship as blessed in the name of Jesus Christ! Not only that, but God took me to the side and spoke to my heart. In doing so, He assured me that my expectation list was a means to becoming a princess in Him–I was allowing myself to feel the royalty that God feels we all deserve.

My husband is absolutely incredible for more reasons than I can write. At some point, I began listening to the enemy’s lies: I am unworthy of my husband, I should not speak up about the desires of my heart, and I should do only that which makes Garrett happy. I thought that I was being an exceptional wife who truly showed love to her husband. Now, I realize that I did not give Garrett all of me because I did not feel worthy of accepting his complete love.

Day 9-Royal Blessings

God tucked me into bed with words of assurance. I thought that having nice things was a sin and that to be a true disciple I would have to give away everything I owned. I also thought that my life would change for the worse if I accepted lavish gifts from God because my joy would come from the gifts. In prayer, God told me not to live on man’s approval, but on His. He spoke of the importance of being at a point in which I could feel my royalty in Him, even if I was wearing pajamas or comfortable-around-the-house clothes. I learned that I first needed to be walking in God’s royalty so that I could feel worthy of receiving His gifts.

My true royalty comes from my heart because that is where God resides. I remember playing pretend with my little sister when we younger. We used to turn our house into a luxury hotel, feasting on delicacies, such as fresh grapes, and bathing in one of the exclusive pools–a big bucket filled with water. We dressed up in my mom’s clothing and truly felt like royalty. This precious memory reminds me of how God wants us to find joy in the blessed opportunities with which He presents us. Our royalty is not defined by who we are or what we have. Our royalty is the joy we feel when we can turn a large bucket into a exclusive luxury pool.

What royal opportunities has God gifted you with?

What is your favorite royal childhood memory?

Day 8-The Battle Begins

I am ashamed to write this piece, but if it speaks to at least one of your hearts, it is worth it. I grew up with the mindset that stuff equals happiness. My parents gave me the best childhood possible with lots of stuff. I did not think anything of it, until my husband and I came back from our honeymoon. All of a sudden, within a matter of months, I developed a poverty mindset. I was in shock after our first grocery trip. It seemed like the smallest purchases were pretty darn expensive. I foolishly questioned how we would make it on a single income.

I found myself complaining about finances, bills, and extra expenses. I figured it was good to vent all my frustrations and hold nothing back. I quickly learned that there are important times in our lives when holding things back makes our marriage that much stronger. My complaining shortly thereafter was accompanied by fear. I had no idea how we would manage on a single income, especially after a very intense surgery I had in June. My fear began to squash my faith. I was right where the enemy wanted me, forgetting the power of God’s promise and His provision in our lives.

Beloved,

I pray for your finances to not control you or to be a determining factor in God’s love for you. If only you knew of all the blessings He has in store for you: press on and keep

…Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” -Philippians 3:13-14

 

Day 7-False Sense of Royalty

I took it upon myself to define my royalty by doing a future dream shopping trip with my husband. We went to a car dealership and we were instantly greeted by a man who showed us what we came for. When I got into one of the fully-loaded cars–wood-paneled, GPS, rear view backup camera–I felt like complete royalty.  That is, until I test drove it and I realized the speed limit was 40 mph while I felt much safer going a smooth 25 mph. When the first car seemed a bit big for me, I had a Goldie Locks moment and tested the smaller model. However, my husband and I both decided that we liked the first car and I asked the salesman if he would mind if I tried out the first car one more time since business was slow. His response was, “I would rather not.” Then he handed me his card and said, “Call me, otherwise this was a waste of my time.” I could not believe the audacity of the sales representative. Didn’t he know that he was talking to royalty? At the time, it upset me, but now I can look back at laugh at the whole experience.

God taught me that stuff does not define me or make me royalty. My heart was in the wrong place on that afternoon because I thought royalty was tied in with luxury as well as acceptance from others. God showed me that my royalty is defined and created by my relationship with Him. My friend explained to me that I need to get rid of my strong attachment to money. She explained that my royalty comes from loving Christ and His children. Instead of praying in my royalty in Christ, I became very conflicted and entered a battle of the flesh vs. the Spirit. Like any battle, it was ugly and very difficult.

Have you ever allowed one of your special possessions such as a car or a house define you?

How did you take your identity back in Christ?

Day 6-Learning to Walk in Royalty

Notice the first part of the title, LEARNING. God chose to speak to me about royalty today and how critical it is for me to first walk in His royalty. This was a very difficult lesson for me to learn. As a matter of a fact, this topic will be intertwined throughout my journal with God because, just when I thought I was walking in royalty, the enemy would trip me.

In prayer, God showed me how I did not wear a purple robe of royalty. Rather, it was an old, torn, and smelly robe as I wore poverty, insecurity, fear, and unworthiness of being a true princess of God. Then God asked me a question, “How will you lift women up in My royalty if you cannot lift yourself? The Lord’s question stopped me in my tracks. I was headed in the wrong direction because I was unable to accept the blessed places God wanted to take me.

Have you ever felt paralyzed by fear to move forward with God?

What did you do?

Day 4-My Halloween Candy (Part 1)

A dear friend of mine confronted me with a vision she had of my Halloween candy covering my husband’s bag of Halloween candy. While this vision may seem strange, it has powerful symbolism. Earlier that month, I experienced very painful migraines accompanied by anger. In prayer, God showed me that I was too controlling and that I needed to raise my husband up as the mighty man of Christ that God designed him to be. My control and anger robbed my husband of God’s blessings and my candy symbolized control. Without knowing it, I was stifling my husband’s ability to be a true man of God.

This lesson on control is the first of many I will share with you. To me, control is a means to attain safety. If I am in control, then I am the only one who can hurt myself. God did a mighty work in teaching me to relinquish control. I cannot wait to share with you some of the crazy adventures He took me on.

In the meantime, what does control mean to you?

Do you feel helpless when you are not in control or grateful that someone you trust is leading you?

Day Two-God Convicts My Heart (part 2)

My heart hurts because I have allowed my self worth to be defined by how many things I can check off my “precious” to-do list. I confess that I am not able to rest in the Lord unless I have successfully accomplished what is on my to-do list. I am afraid of being controlled and losing myself in the process. I fear the unknown and I worry that my shield of faith is not strong enough to fight this spiritual battle.

I am sharing my heart with you because I care about you and I do not want you to make the same mistake I did. Please do not miss an opportunity to rest in God and truly love His children. Do not take your life for granted and schedule your time with God. Instead, let Him freely and gloriously live through you.

Beloved, slow down and take time to dance as a bride does with her groom. Let your love for God become contagious and resist the need to compare your life with those around you.

Lord,

I pray that your sons and daughters who read this are blessed with the courage to give their schedules to You. I pray that they are able to rest in You and that a peace that surpasses all understanding covers their hearts.

Today is your day with God. Bless you two.

“Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires. Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you.”

Psalm 37:4-5

Day One-God Convicts My Heart (Part 1)

Today, I discovered that a dear woman from my summer Bible study passed away–I knew she was sick, and I wanted to visit her, but I felt convicted to cross one more thing off my to-do list before I could visit her at her house. Tears rolled down my cheeks and the lyrics from the song “Blink” flooded my heart when I heard the news:

No one remembers how far we have run
The only thing that matters is how we have loved
   
I did not have enough time to visit her and for that I am sorry. But you know what I am learning? Sorry does not cut it. SORRY DOES NOT CUT IT!! I may have had every excuse and obligation imaginable, but my heart aches because I did not let God live and love through me.

In our last conversation, my friend was telling me that she looked fat in her pants, but I told her that she looked beautiful, which she did. We smiled at one another and wished each other well. She looked good and I took it for granted that I would see her the following week. I remember feeling confused when I did not see my friend the following two weeks; I was told that she was tired and needed to rest. Three weeks later we were all informed that our dear friend would be seeing Jesus soon and that she would love to see us before her grand adventure. Did I make I make time for her? No. I was wrapped up in the devilish game of seeing how many things I could check off on my to-do list. She did not even make my list because it was full. I figured I would put her on the list when there was an opening because I selfishly thought she would recover. To me, this was considered balancing my schedule in an effective way. Looking back at this time, I am more than grateful that God is now in control of my schedule because He never misses an opportunity to love.

I hope this song speaks to your heart:

Blink
by Revive
 
Teach me to number my days
And count every moment before it slips away
Taking all the colors before they fade to gray
I don’t want to miss even just a second more of this
It happens in a blink
It happens in a flash
It happens in the time it takes to look back
I try to hold on tight, but there’s no stopping time
What is it I’ve done with my life
It happens in a blink
When it’s all said and done
No one remembers how far we have run
The only thing that matters is how we have loved
I don’t want to miss even just a second more of this
It happens in a blink
it happens in a flash
it happens in the time it takes to look back
I try to hold on tight but there’s no stopping time
What is it I’ve done with my life
It happens in a blink
Slow down, slow down
Before today becomes our yesterday
Slow down, slow down
Before you turn around and it’s too late
It happens in a blink
it happens in a flash
it happens in the time it takes to look back
I try to hold on tight but there’s no stopping time
What is it I’ve done with my life
It happens in a blink. 

The Call

This past month has been the most difficult, yet rewarding, month that I shared with God. A month ago I was kneeling in a worship service and praying to God for direction. I felt empty and lost. It was then that the Lord showed me a vision that has forever changed my life. I saw my “precious” schedule with the words, “Do whatever God wants me to do.” At first, I figured I was overthinking all the things that needed to be completed. So, my husband and I talked about my vision and we prayed for God’s direction. I then took a deep breath and God reinforced that he would be leading me.

The next morning, I awoke to God telling me to just quietly sit with Him. I was concerned that the enemy was keeping me from accomplishing things. However, in prayer, God asked me to give my schedule to Him and to let go of this blog temporarily. When God asks for something, you give it to Him no questions asked, right?

Beloved, I invite you to read how God transformed me from a scared, overcommitted little girl to His daughter who walks in the confidence of her true royalty. My prayer is for my testimony to inspire you to stand confidently in God’s royalty as a mighty princess or prince. I believe that God can work through you!